My Top Five Games I Hate...With Additional Swearing

So I know I call myself optimistic and I suppose I am. But sometimes I lose my shit with games...like completely. Just to make you aware I am gunna be swearing my tits off here solely for the fact I'll wind myself up about each game. This was also a ball ache and took me ages because I was trying to rack my brain so I had to search EVERY game on the PS2 (yes every title AND I couldn't even find one!). Also you'll have to bear with me on some of them, I will explain! So... here we go. Hold on tight. (Warning: Spoilers).


5. James Bond 007: Nightfire - GameCube/ PS2/ Xbox.

This is only being placed at no. five because it came with the GameCube I acquired and I don't like trying to rate something without seeing/playing it all the way through...however. This game sucks. I could only withstand 15 minutes- TOPS - before I turned it off in a rage. The graphics are fucking awful! I've seen better Playstation games! And for that matter a SNES games! The cars look like literal squares. And the sounds....the FUCK!!!!! I'm done.

To sum up. It is awful.








4. Deus Ex. Human Revolution - Xbox360/ PC/ PS3.

Right. So Deus Ex. Its an awesome game. I loved upgrading my character into a stealthy dealer of death, and attempting to just ruin everyone's day by playing as a complete bastard. Whats that? You've been promoted to "crummy desk Sergeant?" GIVE A FUCK! So like I said its awesome. What isn't awesome and actually changed my entire perspective on the game was the ending. Eidos you cheap bastards. Instead of some brilliant cut scene where I thought I'd see Jensen killing himself or choosing whatever, I'm "treated" with black and white footage of Earth???? No no no. I play games to get away from this shit, not to be dropped right back in it during the fucking game!!!!!!
Ruined.







3. Rise of the Robots - SNES.

If you haven't seen any footage of this, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYUeO_yk9To
Continue sum this up perfectly, "nothing about this game was entertaining or fun at all". Yup. I remember my dad getting me and brother this. The title screen had me super excited! We then had a fight and my smiling face went straight to a "da fuq is this??" The game uses pre-rendered C.G.I sprites rather than pixel art or digitized sprites. Essentially it just looks buals (balls!). There is limited moves and even then it feels super slow. My problem with this game is....why was it made?








2. Rage - Xbox360/ PC/ PS3.

 This follows the same trend as Deus Ex but it wound me up even more, if its even possible (hence why its no. 2). Same applies, this game is a sexy looking game and they even got some decent folk to do some of the voices (like John Goodman!) and considering it was sold as a similar game to Fallout and boasted about Mad Max style world, which it did. But in my eyes it fell short. Super short. Yes, there was opens worlds but they seemed linear. How do you manage to make something openly linear??? HOW? The game was put onto two discs which I expected to make the game huge, and it did. But wait, the player wants to go back and explore the first area? Na fuck that, limited freedom is where its at! Like I said, the game is amazing but like @mattaconda (https://twitter.com/Mattaconda) said,"there's only so much lipstick you can put on a pig."
When I finished it I just stared at the credits and genuinely thought,"well that was a fucking waste, think I'll go outside." And it didn't even take that long and I was attempting to make it last...Fuck you Rage. I'll show you some RAGE!!!!!





1. Red Faction: Armageddon - Xbox360/ PC/ PS3.

Here it is. Possibly my most hated game. THIS FUCKING GAME! I don't think I've ever been so disappointed at a game. This is probably because I was, and maybe still am, a huge fan of the first two on the PS2 and Guerrilla on the 360. The first two for the ability to smash the environment and getting the rail gun to shoot through walls and kill enemies. Guerrilla because they took the destroying environments to the next level. They gave you all of Mars to go crazy with. Here's a giant hammer. See that building? You can flatten it! One of my favourite things was just wielding this super hammer and just fucking shit up. Then they released this one in 2011. And ruined everything!!!! Why the fuck would you decide to put the player back in the ground on a linear path after giving them the freedom of the world?! I know the first two where underground but they worked because they probably didn't have the capacity on the PS2 to attempt what they did with Guerrilla. But seriously. Even at the start they give the player a little teaser. "Oh remember all that cool shit like blowing up buildings and smashing pipelines with hammers? Yeah none of that anymore." If I had to compare this to anything it would be a stripper. They both had me super excited when they started but at the end I'm left disappointed. And all alone...again.

Addendum: If you haven't notice I do like open games, so when a games is labelled as such, I will probably try it out. But when it undersells like the above, I tend to lose it.

Now I know the majority of the games on the list are from the "next-gen" era, but it's because I couldn't find many from the retro era that I hated. Maybe because there wasn't as much choice and the developers had to make sure the game was perfect so they could make a profit. Or maybe because back when I was a young'n, I thought everything was amazing and colourful (except Rise of the Robots). And now I'm older and wiser and can see more faults and I'm more skeptical. Or its that the game developers don't seem to spend as much time on certain games. Whatever it is these games above...pissed me off massively. 

If you have any different or agree with me let me know!

Cheers,

 

O.E.G.

@theOEGamer.

Oo There Goes Chicken Chaser!

So with the release of Fable Anniversary I thought it was only fitting to do a review/ blog/ ramble about how much I love this game. I'll mention the changes that I've noticed first then finish with some gameplay and story, considering not much has changed in those aspects.

Fable Anniversary is a reboot of the 2004 release of Fable: The Lost Chapters. Not much has been changed from the original in the way of gameplay but the graphics and sounds have all been upgraded. The story follows you, starting off as a young boy and slowly growing into a hero, either for better or for worse. The phase as a young boy gives you a feel for the game and what to expect (a tutorial if you will!) but the consequences of your actions do still appear later on in the game. 

From the get go one of the big stand outs of this game is the voice. It's clear, even back in 2004, that LionheadStudios spent time on perfecting the voices. And obviously they sound much clearer on Fable Anniversary. Even the villagers who mock or cheer for you as you walk past sound genuine. When you first hear the Guildmaster speak to you through the Guild Seal, the small reverb and echo makes it sound magical! He does still ramble though. I know my health is low, I'm aware of the blood loss! 

The music as well compliments each area as you'd expect. If it's a village or town the music is happy and joyous. A battle, the sound of a deep bass rumbles throughout. An eerie house, creepy violins. These little things helps make the game complete. 

Even the creatures sound larger than life. When I first heard the Balverine howl, it sent shivers down my spine! The squabbling of Hobbes in the caves is both humourous and terrifying! (N.B: I haaaaate Hobbes). But one of my favourite sounds is the torque of a bow being held. It just sounds right, and just as the shot is released, something is gunna die. 

The next big change is the graphics (obviously). All the character models are crisp. The armour, especially the bright and dark varieties, look magical! I mean look above at the small intricacies on the shoulder pauldrons! The green cloth even has patterns running through it! Another big change is the demons doors. They now look part of the wall and, dare I say it (DARE!) some sort of real. The environment as well has had a massive face lift! The shimmering water does look real, the ivy and moss actually seem like they've been there for years growing! Last thing I want to mention is the magic. My favourite is the force push. Remember that scene in Matrix where the helicopter crashed into the building? It reminds me of a sped up version of that when I use it! I could rattle on but as the old saying goes, a picture paints a thousand words. It is safe to say though, all the models, be it the water, a Balverine or a fireball, look fantastic! 

 "Bandit...Meet Death!"

 

 "Pants...Filled!"

 So lets get down to it. The gameplay. Like mentioned, not much has changed. And honestly...thank Christ! It didn't need changing. X is attack, and the player holds it for a strong attack. Y is your bow. B is magic. The player can cycle through his magic by holding RT and unleash some destruction! For each type of kill you'll get additional XP which you spend to upgrade your character and make him a muscle bound freak. Because, if I'm honest, I wouldn't want some skinny little pushover arriving at my village if it's getting overrun by Balverine's! Get your ass to the gym and come back once your benching 220 (although...everyone would be dead...). When your not out saving the world you can do other things like; buy a house, get married, massacre an encampment. The list goes on!

I want to mention the story and tell you all how amazing it is! And that some of the choices make you put down the controller and phone a friend (no 50:50 I'm afraid). Or that some of the set pieces will leave you gobsmacked! But alas, I'm not going to. It would ruin the surprise and the story and I hate doing that! All I'll say though, out of all the Fable's, this is by far the best one, in my opinion. I like the second (third...not so much) but I don't think it'll give me the same amount of joy that this one has given me!


Comment and follow me a twitter and give me some love, @TheOEGamer.
Cheers.

O.E.G.

Guns? Big Guns? I'm More of a Pinata Man!

In the gaming world today, many things revolve around blowing the shit into something (I'm looking at you Call of Dooty and BertleField), but don't you just sometimes wanna step back from it all and play something with less violence and objectives?


Yes you do! This isn't to say I don't like running around and chopping people in half or cruising around Los Santos knocking foo's out! Sometimes its just nice to sort out your garden and raise some pinata's.

Viva Fudgin' Whackin' Pinata! Look at those sexy colours! This game only breeds happy thoughts! I picked this up for about 2 quid and I'm super happy I did! It's a sandbox like harvest moon. Story??? Not to sure. Do you need one?! Sort out your garden and get some piñata's, which in this game are like wild animals.
So it starts out you inherit this land but it's a proper shithole, and as you progress you get different equipment which can be upgraded. The piñata's are caught by meeting certain requirements, so obviously the first ones you meet are simple ones. For example for a worm you need to have decent grass. All the wild piñata's are black and white and when they become part of your garden they become bright and vivid. (Addendum: all the piñata's have super cute names!)

You need to buy habitat's on top of the requirements and then you can breed them. The breeding game is the only bit I wasn't to keen on if I'm honest. You have to navigate the pinata through an "obstacle" course (I use that term loosely) and then an egg is dropped off by a stalk like chick.  

You can decorate the garden however you want. Putting in fire lamps attracts moths. Make a pond and then in comes frogs. Simple, easy stuff. Your garden expands after a while so you can fit in more and more stuuuff! 

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

The characters in the game can help you in certain ways. There's this bloke who just looooves nuts (phrasing)! And he'll just give you them if you talk to him. You can have some chick come and look after your seeds and fruit. I never used her just so I didn't have to spend money. I'm a tight ass. Then there's the evil dude who makes sour piñata's which try to come and ruin your day. You can either kill them or even better, make them transform into a pinata for your garden!
You also get tasks where you earn money (and achievements) if you finish them. It's usually someone needs a specific type of pinata, so the player needs to put them in a crate and send them off. Easy enough, but it's not forced upon you (one is but its a tutorial) so you can choose to do what you want within the game essentially, or when to take the tasks. 

This guy looooves nuts...ladies...stand back.

Lastly but not least is the best part of the game, it's presentation. It. Is. AMAZING! When you start getting more and more pinata's in your garden it's nice to sit back and admire it's beauty. Seriously. I absolutely hate that word but there isn't any other word to describe it. The different colours of the pinata's just complement the whole screen perfectly. The music is just small background noise which is fine but the game shines with its looks and presentation. 

Right well in conclusion if you can find this game cheap and fancy a break from all the violence of games today you should definitely do it. It is a gorgeous thing to look at and the colours will probably cheer you up. And if you're tripping balls it'll probably be amazing. 

O.E.G.