My Top Five Games I Hate...With Additional Swearing

So I know I call myself optimistic and I suppose I am. But sometimes I lose my shit with games...like completely. Just to make you aware I am gunna be swearing my tits off here solely for the fact I'll wind myself up about each game. This was also a ball ache and took me ages because I was trying to rack my brain so I had to search EVERY game on the PS2 (yes every title AND I couldn't even find one!). Also you'll have to bear with me on some of them, I will explain! So... here we go. Hold on tight. (Warning: Spoilers).


5. James Bond 007: Nightfire - GameCube/ PS2/ Xbox.

This is only being placed at no. five because it came with the GameCube I acquired and I don't like trying to rate something without seeing/playing it all the way through...however. This game sucks. I could only withstand 15 minutes- TOPS - before I turned it off in a rage. The graphics are fucking awful! I've seen better Playstation games! And for that matter a SNES games! The cars look like literal squares. And the sounds....the FUCK!!!!! I'm done.

To sum up. It is awful.








4. Deus Ex. Human Revolution - Xbox360/ PC/ PS3.

Right. So Deus Ex. Its an awesome game. I loved upgrading my character into a stealthy dealer of death, and attempting to just ruin everyone's day by playing as a complete bastard. Whats that? You've been promoted to "crummy desk Sergeant?" GIVE A FUCK! So like I said its awesome. What isn't awesome and actually changed my entire perspective on the game was the ending. Eidos you cheap bastards. Instead of some brilliant cut scene where I thought I'd see Jensen killing himself or choosing whatever, I'm "treated" with black and white footage of Earth???? No no no. I play games to get away from this shit, not to be dropped right back in it during the fucking game!!!!!!
Ruined.







3. Rise of the Robots - SNES.

If you haven't seen any footage of this, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYUeO_yk9To
Continue sum this up perfectly, "nothing about this game was entertaining or fun at all". Yup. I remember my dad getting me and brother this. The title screen had me super excited! We then had a fight and my smiling face went straight to a "da fuq is this??" The game uses pre-rendered C.G.I sprites rather than pixel art or digitized sprites. Essentially it just looks buals (balls!). There is limited moves and even then it feels super slow. My problem with this game is....why was it made?








2. Rage - Xbox360/ PC/ PS3.

 This follows the same trend as Deus Ex but it wound me up even more, if its even possible (hence why its no. 2). Same applies, this game is a sexy looking game and they even got some decent folk to do some of the voices (like John Goodman!) and considering it was sold as a similar game to Fallout and boasted about Mad Max style world, which it did. But in my eyes it fell short. Super short. Yes, there was opens worlds but they seemed linear. How do you manage to make something openly linear??? HOW? The game was put onto two discs which I expected to make the game huge, and it did. But wait, the player wants to go back and explore the first area? Na fuck that, limited freedom is where its at! Like I said, the game is amazing but like @mattaconda (https://twitter.com/Mattaconda) said,"there's only so much lipstick you can put on a pig."
When I finished it I just stared at the credits and genuinely thought,"well that was a fucking waste, think I'll go outside." And it didn't even take that long and I was attempting to make it last...Fuck you Rage. I'll show you some RAGE!!!!!





1. Red Faction: Armageddon - Xbox360/ PC/ PS3.

Here it is. Possibly my most hated game. THIS FUCKING GAME! I don't think I've ever been so disappointed at a game. This is probably because I was, and maybe still am, a huge fan of the first two on the PS2 and Guerrilla on the 360. The first two for the ability to smash the environment and getting the rail gun to shoot through walls and kill enemies. Guerrilla because they took the destroying environments to the next level. They gave you all of Mars to go crazy with. Here's a giant hammer. See that building? You can flatten it! One of my favourite things was just wielding this super hammer and just fucking shit up. Then they released this one in 2011. And ruined everything!!!! Why the fuck would you decide to put the player back in the ground on a linear path after giving them the freedom of the world?! I know the first two where underground but they worked because they probably didn't have the capacity on the PS2 to attempt what they did with Guerrilla. But seriously. Even at the start they give the player a little teaser. "Oh remember all that cool shit like blowing up buildings and smashing pipelines with hammers? Yeah none of that anymore." If I had to compare this to anything it would be a stripper. They both had me super excited when they started but at the end I'm left disappointed. And all alone...again.

Addendum: If you haven't notice I do like open games, so when a games is labelled as such, I will probably try it out. But when it undersells like the above, I tend to lose it.

Now I know the majority of the games on the list are from the "next-gen" era, but it's because I couldn't find many from the retro era that I hated. Maybe because there wasn't as much choice and the developers had to make sure the game was perfect so they could make a profit. Or maybe because back when I was a young'n, I thought everything was amazing and colourful (except Rise of the Robots). And now I'm older and wiser and can see more faults and I'm more skeptical. Or its that the game developers don't seem to spend as much time on certain games. Whatever it is these games above...pissed me off massively. 

If you have any different or agree with me let me know!

Cheers,

 

O.E.G.

@theOEGamer.

Naughty Dogs and Evil Weasels.

Last year I bought a PS Vita. It's a really good bit of kit and I enjoy playing and its design...oh and the games are pretty decent. So far I own four games for that system. I own two games from downloads. Now the problem with this is I prefer the games that I've downloaded. One being Final Fantasy 7 (http://theoptimisticenglishgamer.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/memorable-memories.html ,mentioned in last month's blog) and the other being Jak and Daxter.
If you've noticed, I have a running theme with these blogs. Its that I love old school games. I do like new games as well, don't get me wrong. G.T.A. V and Red Dead are fucking awesome games. As well as Sleeping Dogs and XCOM: Enemy Unknown. But at the moment I'm stuck in this loop of playing older games. So without further adieu!

 Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy! Released in 2001 by Naughty Dogs and one of the first games I bought/ got with my PS2. It gives me that same sense of innocence that games give you at a young age, as well as the exploration factor that comes with these open world games. Jak and Daxter opens with Jak (crazy haired boy) and his buddy Daxter traveling to the mysterious Misty Island, despite warnings from this old dude with clogs. They end up seeing an army of Lurkers (bad looking gremlin fuckers) and attempt to escape the place. But not before some plot happens! Jak's buddy gets knocked into some dark eco which transforms him into... da da da daaaaaaaa... a ferret with a mouth on him. Or weasel, whatever.
The player takes over after the duo get a bollocking from Clogs McGee (old man), and are told to collect power cells to advance and help the old man. From the get go the player gets a sense of how big the world actually is. Even the first area - where you're told there is more places to explore - is still pretty big. A little thing I like is if you try and swim off the island a giant fish comes and eats you. This idea is used in Banjo Kazooie and is much better than the invisible wall bullshit!
You can speak to the locals who have some fantastic accents and witty dialog, which I still find funny to this day (I am a big kid though...not fat. I meant in the mind). The locals give you tasks to do and in return give you a power cell. This can be anything from rounding up sheep, to bringing them 50 orbs (the egg thing on the box art).

Da Fuq is that Brah!!?!!?

The controls feel quite tight as well and has the usual controls you'd expect on a platformer. Jump, two types of attacks, sprint and you can launch objects during certain areas with the shoulder button. There is also a power up station, where you are able to run faster and do more damage to enemies. There's some boss battles as well which are well thought out and good fun. There's even a build up to them which makes it that more special! The main focus of the game is to collect things though. Now you may think this sounds a bit boring, but I enjoy it! Even playing it now I find a compelling urge to collect everything in an area.
In certain areas you have to ride a hover bike whilst attempting to collect orbs and not die (I suck at these parts and find some of them difficult or maybe its just me). This ranges from the grassy plains to skimming over lava and trying to keep the engine cooled at the same time by flying through water balloons...yeah...It's legit. You even ride a giant bird like thing (sort of ostrich-esque) which is epic fun!

"DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKK!"

Lastly is the graphics and how the game looks. Once again I have to mention the scale of the game. The vast green on the plains looks stunning. The vibrant blue and yellow of Jak stands out in all the backgrounds, even the underwater level. And the strong reds of the volcanic areas are lush. Essentially a good looking game, especially for its time. I don't remember thinking at any part that this game looks shitty and I was literally playing it five minutes ago (it was on the remastered edition though).
I have to admit I don't really pay attention to the soundtrack on this game so I can't comment. Maybe I'm too engrossed in the game. Or maybe I turned the music off, I can't remember.

For those that haven't played Jak and Daxter (any of them) you should! They just re-released it on the PS network. They're good fun and remind me of the old school bests like Mario 64 and Crash Bandicoot! And I think they're up the top with them!

Like and comment and tell your friends!
Cheers.

O.E.G.