My Top Five Games I Hate...With Additional Swearing

So I know I call myself optimistic and I suppose I am. But sometimes I lose my shit with games...like completely. Just to make you aware I am gunna be swearing my tits off here solely for the fact I'll wind myself up about each game. This was also a ball ache and took me ages because I was trying to rack my brain so I had to search EVERY game on the PS2 (yes every title AND I couldn't even find one!). Also you'll have to bear with me on some of them, I will explain! So... here we go. Hold on tight. (Warning: Spoilers).


5. James Bond 007: Nightfire - GameCube/ PS2/ Xbox.

This is only being placed at no. five because it came with the GameCube I acquired and I don't like trying to rate something without seeing/playing it all the way through...however. This game sucks. I could only withstand 15 minutes- TOPS - before I turned it off in a rage. The graphics are fucking awful! I've seen better Playstation games! And for that matter a SNES games! The cars look like literal squares. And the sounds....the FUCK!!!!! I'm done.

To sum up. It is awful.








4. Deus Ex. Human Revolution - Xbox360/ PC/ PS3.

Right. So Deus Ex. Its an awesome game. I loved upgrading my character into a stealthy dealer of death, and attempting to just ruin everyone's day by playing as a complete bastard. Whats that? You've been promoted to "crummy desk Sergeant?" GIVE A FUCK! So like I said its awesome. What isn't awesome and actually changed my entire perspective on the game was the ending. Eidos you cheap bastards. Instead of some brilliant cut scene where I thought I'd see Jensen killing himself or choosing whatever, I'm "treated" with black and white footage of Earth???? No no no. I play games to get away from this shit, not to be dropped right back in it during the fucking game!!!!!!
Ruined.







3. Rise of the Robots - SNES.

If you haven't seen any footage of this, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYUeO_yk9To
Continue sum this up perfectly, "nothing about this game was entertaining or fun at all". Yup. I remember my dad getting me and brother this. The title screen had me super excited! We then had a fight and my smiling face went straight to a "da fuq is this??" The game uses pre-rendered C.G.I sprites rather than pixel art or digitized sprites. Essentially it just looks buals (balls!). There is limited moves and even then it feels super slow. My problem with this game is....why was it made?








2. Rage - Xbox360/ PC/ PS3.

 This follows the same trend as Deus Ex but it wound me up even more, if its even possible (hence why its no. 2). Same applies, this game is a sexy looking game and they even got some decent folk to do some of the voices (like John Goodman!) and considering it was sold as a similar game to Fallout and boasted about Mad Max style world, which it did. But in my eyes it fell short. Super short. Yes, there was opens worlds but they seemed linear. How do you manage to make something openly linear??? HOW? The game was put onto two discs which I expected to make the game huge, and it did. But wait, the player wants to go back and explore the first area? Na fuck that, limited freedom is where its at! Like I said, the game is amazing but like @mattaconda (https://twitter.com/Mattaconda) said,"there's only so much lipstick you can put on a pig."
When I finished it I just stared at the credits and genuinely thought,"well that was a fucking waste, think I'll go outside." And it didn't even take that long and I was attempting to make it last...Fuck you Rage. I'll show you some RAGE!!!!!





1. Red Faction: Armageddon - Xbox360/ PC/ PS3.

Here it is. Possibly my most hated game. THIS FUCKING GAME! I don't think I've ever been so disappointed at a game. This is probably because I was, and maybe still am, a huge fan of the first two on the PS2 and Guerrilla on the 360. The first two for the ability to smash the environment and getting the rail gun to shoot through walls and kill enemies. Guerrilla because they took the destroying environments to the next level. They gave you all of Mars to go crazy with. Here's a giant hammer. See that building? You can flatten it! One of my favourite things was just wielding this super hammer and just fucking shit up. Then they released this one in 2011. And ruined everything!!!! Why the fuck would you decide to put the player back in the ground on a linear path after giving them the freedom of the world?! I know the first two where underground but they worked because they probably didn't have the capacity on the PS2 to attempt what they did with Guerrilla. But seriously. Even at the start they give the player a little teaser. "Oh remember all that cool shit like blowing up buildings and smashing pipelines with hammers? Yeah none of that anymore." If I had to compare this to anything it would be a stripper. They both had me super excited when they started but at the end I'm left disappointed. And all alone...again.

Addendum: If you haven't notice I do like open games, so when a games is labelled as such, I will probably try it out. But when it undersells like the above, I tend to lose it.

Now I know the majority of the games on the list are from the "next-gen" era, but it's because I couldn't find many from the retro era that I hated. Maybe because there wasn't as much choice and the developers had to make sure the game was perfect so they could make a profit. Or maybe because back when I was a young'n, I thought everything was amazing and colourful (except Rise of the Robots). And now I'm older and wiser and can see more faults and I'm more skeptical. Or its that the game developers don't seem to spend as much time on certain games. Whatever it is these games above...pissed me off massively. 

If you have any different or agree with me let me know!

Cheers,

 

O.E.G.

@theOEGamer.